Whatever your opinion is on the New Super Mario Bros.
series, I think we can all agree on one thing: the Koopalings are infinitely
better than Bowser Jr. I hope Nintendo will stop shoving that loathsome child
down our throats. The Koopalings have
lots more character, perhaps because they’re all based on real people. The
following is part one of the inspiration behind the members of everyone’s
favorite (and only) koopa clan. First, the “Loud Mouths.”
Perhaps the most obvious; if the name doesn’t give it away,
certainly the haircut will. Von Koopa, much like his real life counterpart,
dabbles in musical composition. According to his Nintendo profile, he’s
composed a number of “Koopa Symphonies,” but I’m certain none of them come
close to “Ode to Joy.” Being the eldest, smartest, and most mature of the
bunch, he’s usually the last Koopaling you face before Bowser. My only question
is why he has the “van” before his last name. I’d rather not dig deep into
possible joint custody cases over fictitious video game characters.
Lemmy Koopa/Ian Fraser “Lemmy” Kilmister
Lemmy is older than all of his siblings save for Ludwig, but
he remains one of the most immature. He’s named after bassist and frontman for
heavy metal band Motorhead Lemmy Kilmister, but retains almost none of his
traits. I’m fairly positive never in any game manuals is Lemmy referred to as a
sexaholic Rock God. Heck, they don’t even share a haircut. I would adore seeing
this change soon in upcoming games. Nintendo, please give Lemmy a voice like
gravel. I’ll settle for the muttonchops.
Morton Koopa Jr./Morton Downey Jr.
This is a pretty deep cut. I’m only 22, so I actually had to
do a little digging for just who this Morton Downey fellow was. Downey was a
controversial, anger-prone talk radio host in the ‘80s, whose heyday was around
the time Super Mario Bros. 3 was released in 1989. Nintendo Power has referred
to Morton Koopa as “a grouch with a cantankerous personality,” otherwise known
as the perfect AM Radio DJ. I’m willing to bet Morton Koopa could give Rush
Limbaugh a run for his money.
Up next: The Koopa Kids Are Alright Part Two: The Punks.
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